As our friend Gergana says it breezily in her song – “I’m walking barefoot and wind-haired, not knowing what am I for”.
I feel that even wondering about this is a step in the right direction, not just following other people’s expectations.
This is the link to Gergana’s band page –
In the common view, a girl is seen as a “budding” blossom, which flowers, bears fruit, then it’s overblown – and finally discarded as useless. In fact, it does not feel good to be marked as some product with a fixed way of use and a “best before” date. Everyone has some inner purpose, and we should be free to pursue it – not spend our lives drowning in worries “Am I good enough?” or “Should I fear that I am past my date, and therefore no good anymore?”
As trivial as it may sound, it’s a personal choice you have to make. Of course, it goes against the grain and it is not an easy road – but the reward is a real feeling of well-being, and it’s totally worth it. (And besides, carrying the heavy load of people’s expectations is not easier.) It is not possible to please everyone, so there’s no use in wasting our energy trying to do this.
It seems so natural, that it makes me wonder – why would someone who thinks like this be called “rebellious”? Why do we always have to feel this pressure – to take less space in the world, to look slimmer, younger, quieter and understated, just to be considered “womanly” and “proper”?
I can accept being womanly, though I have my own idea about it. But “proper”? One thing I’d never want to be. Living some life made up by others, who would never be pleased anyway… and missing out on our only chance of ease and happiness.
So, it’s up to us – we can do like our mothers (usually) taught us, try to please others and end up being someone else… or dismiss all of this, find our way, follow it and see where it takes us.
It is not about being successful or famous (it might help, but it has a dark side too) – just avoiding the mold that limits and warps us in the most suppressive way.
I’ve often heard women say “Oh, how I love your style! But it’s too flamboyant, I would not dare to wear it.” I can understand this, if your top priority is to be accepted. But I think it is sad to let others decide on your own looks, clothes, home interior, etc. So many other things do not depend on us – and if you don’t even dare to follow the style you like, what kind of a life is it, after all?
Our friend Mincho once asked me, while we were walking in the park (me with my colorful clothes, bangles, beads and all) – “See how all the people are staring at us?” Well, in fact I didn’t notice.
I think now he was influenced by us enough to start caring less about random people’s opinions.
Mincho is a cool wood carving artist – this is his page:
People often stare at strangers (I tend to do this sometimes too, out of curiosity, though I try to restrain myself) and they sometimes jump to conclusions. But I would only care if it was someone important to me – others can look and think as they please.
One morning at the bus stop a grumpy old man glared at me and muttered: “What’s with all the motley?” It reminded me of that saying: “For a hooked rocket the space is hooked”. I wear what I like – I see it as a way to express myself, and I don’t see why it should be anyone else’s concern. It certainly happens, but I try to dismiss it and I stick to my own taste.
A vivid example of ageless beauty – Sarah Jane Adams, the wonderful Saramai.
This is Saramai’s Facebook page –
And of course, Frida Kahlo, the role model of all bohemians.